Hyper very considerately chose Joinville’s Buddhist temple as starting point for hash 788. At the appointed hour she kindly left us meditating Buddhist-style for over half an hour (“I’ll be back in 10 minutes after I’ve parked the car”) before finally we got underway. She then kindly left us drooling with thirst when she explained that the “BS shortly” sign didn’t actually mean that the beer stop was imminent: we learned the hard way that in this part of the Paris suburbs “shortly” means after another kilometer of run and a twenty minute wait for the beer to arrive with the walkers.
At least Speedy was able to profit from the pause in imagining (and trying to explain to Muito Bonbon) just what it would be like to test some of the interesting sexual positions he had discovered via an educational and explicitly hard DVD he just happened to find in a passing litter bin!
Resisting the temptation to kill off the Marne’s fish by rinsing our hot sweaty bodies in the river, we somehow found our way to the On-In-On-The-Golf-Course, and of course yet another long wait before our second dose of beer arrived. Sadly Pussy Cat and Just Karen decided to profit from the situation and after muttering something about “other engagements” disappeared to make the trek of the “10 minute maximum” to the RER” – which actually takes 30 minutes – and by the way to miss out from the down downs.
So naturally Hyper got the thumbs up for a great hash, universally complimented as being too flat, too beer-less, too much waiting, too little time to swim and, for Speedy, with too much sex.
Greatly appreciative of this fine example of French timekeeping were our four visitors: Fruit of St Clue, Just Aliza, Just Marion and Free Willy. We welcomed transferee Funkey Jizz and two transfers from Glasgow – Princess Pussy and Just Martha – despite our not having paid any transfer fee to Glasgow Celtic. And Just Martha and Just Paul confirmed that there are still some virgins left in the (hash) world.
There were returnees a-plenty from their summer beer, bronzing and bonking-on-the-playa sessions: Speedy with a souvenir beer belly, Muito Bonbon with a souvenir sun tan and Petit Wee Wee, Dozer, Eager for Beaver and Hyper with some vague souvenirs of b…..g.
Just Corentin was congratulated on having kept the beer cool by storing it under his buggy during his siesta time.
The excessive heat of the afternoon did go slightly to some participants’ heads, as it induced a plethora of accusations:
• Petit Wee Wee, for wearing a hat in the circle
• Just Bertrand and Just William for holding a private hat party
• Hyper, for prematurely ejaculating (in chalk) “beer stop”
• Eager for Beaver for keeping his hash tee-shirt for after the run
• Speedy and Dozer for organizing a private porn party that evening
• For being (thirsty) front running bastards : Bender, Petit Wee Wee, Just Stupid, Dozer and Eager for Beaver
• Miri for being too lazy to go and get the beer
• PTPO whose incantations against the sun for getting into her eyes whilst cycling were penalized by a scorching hot afternoon
And last but not least, just as we were finishing, Fucking Fan arrived – to be immediately punished for missing the sacred circle.