Adventures of Hash Number 781 by Vlad the Impaler:
Welcome Hashers and readers to the chronicles of Paris Hash.
This week, we publish the passionate, dramatic, comic, pathetic:
Adventures of Hash Number 781.
French Kiss and co-hare Just Pierre-Marie went berserk with the powdery white stuff (and the flour too) and set not 2 trails, not 3 trails, but 4 trails. The toughest one being from the tram station to the circle up point, ensuring that everyone was lost before they started. The hares were forced to partake of the amber nectar for overmarking the 3 trails and undermarking the trail to the trails.
It was an Issy run but not such an Issy run as the cartographically challenged group was tested by the multiple false trails and checkbacks clearly smacking of Spanish driving instructions and a large number of “interesting” trail markings obviously copied from road signs south of the Pyrenees meant for Mediterranean drivers. This Issy Hash challenged the experts in the group, who share a brain at the best of times, and judged that it was at least 12 kilometres which by Hash standards is more a marathon than a run in the park.
Virgins, Anastasia and Miroslava came together from Bulgaria and Brett came all the way from Zambia. We thought that French Kiss was exhausted by the setting the trail until we found that he made 3 virgins Marie, Isabelle, Sophie, come to the Hash.
Sharpshooter, 3 Times a Lady and Kermit were severely punished for irregular attendance to the Hash and demanded to have more beer as self punishment for their crimes of absence.
Anaconda was reprimanded and forced to down down more of the amber fluid for hiding in the bushes for some mysterious reason we would rather not know about. He was also condemned to down more beer for calling a false on on and confusing the runners even more than they were before.
There was a dubious call on the hares for short cutting but they let themselves be dragged into the circle to perform the ancient ritual of down downing beer again.
Frog Banger was finally severely sanctioned for always for being an FRB front running bastard. He will never learn dear readers, he will never learn.
Sharpshooter shocked the gathered brethren and as penance was appropriately forced to down down for lasciviously musing that she likes a banana after a run. Hashers offered her a choice of their own low hanging fruit but she decided on the supermarket variety because it was firmer and tastier.
Vlad the Impaler once again turned up in a new pair of running shoes which looked so bright that we thought he had bought them in the dark or wore them as a bet. He was condemned for crimes against fashion.
Just Seven shocked the crowd by somehow overtaking Frog Banger on the run at some point. There will be a meeting of stewards to view the incident for excessive running behaviour.
She absolved herself of crimes against fashion by at least ripping off her non-Hash shirt and changing into a fetching Hash t-shirt. The video replay of that can be bought from your local Hash porn site.
Speedy was sanctioned for not supplying enough beer at the beer stop and for flashing his opener or the worlds smallest weeny. Speedy was also cautioned for overuse of the word “Macho,” calling to question his sexual orientation.
We honoured hasher Kermit on his 75th run with a serious and well performed down down. Long may he Hash. The event was seriously marred by Half Crazy who held Kermit’s capote (sometimes called a hat in English) in the circle. She was forced to join Kermit in his down down and a promised never to use a capote in the circle again.
The R.A. noticed that the singing was piss poor and below standard and demands that Hashers come to pray at the Temple of Beer this Thursday.
May The Hash go In Peace.